To Ask For Forgiveness

It is with a humble heart I share this entry. I want it written here for my children and for reflection of myself.

Yesterday was a Saturday I had big plans for. Daddy was up and off early helping with the Stake 5K and then running over to help clean the church. I had a nice morning laying in bed watching cartoons with Gator and Munchie. I decided pancakes sounded yummy for breakfast, and so I made a batch up and fed the children. Munchie loved this new food, and threw most of it on the floor. Gator finished first and wanted to shower. I checked his place to make sure he had finished everything. While I also measured Munchies Poly-Vites and administered her vitamins. I noticed that Gator had finished his breakfast and he had already taken his dose of Asprin and gobbled up his two gummie vitamins but had left his Enalipril and Digoxin. Both liquid form heart medications designed to help his heart function better. I grabbed the syringes and looked over to the child at my side and simultaneously administered the meds into the little chick like open mouth.... My brain suddenly understood what I had just done. I had given the baby Gator's meds. Panicked I grabbed the baby for instant signs of distress... I thought "Do I induce vomiting, do I take her to the doctor, should I call a neighbor to come look at her?"  I couldn't think straight enough to do anything but call daddy. He said "Don't call me call Poison Control!" Oh yes, that is what I should do. I looked for a phone book, for a magnet on the fridge, anywhere that I could find the number and finally had to dial 411. They connected me to poison control which was a recording to dial numbers for certain things. They wanted me to dial 0 to speak to someone right away. I pushed 0 at least 5 times until a women who kept telling me to calm down so she could understand what I had done, could help me. I sobbed on the phone that I had poisoned my baby with my son's heart medicine. She wanted to know how much she weighed. I couldn't remember anything in my panic, I prayed in my head for help to calm down. The nurse said that I would need to take the baby to the ER and she would call and tell them I was on the way. I was to drive safely and to get there as soon as I could because problems could occur within twenty to thirty minutes of ingestion. Without daddy home I needed to take Gator somewhere but I needed Ry to watch the baby in the back seat while I drove. I took Gator next door.... I felt as though we pounded on the door (sorry) I quickly told Issac in his bathrobe that I poisoned Baby and asked if Gator could stay with them till daddy arrived. In passing of cars I told daddy I had the girls and I would call as soon as I knew anything. As we drove to the hospital I silently cried so I wouldn't scare Ry who was making sure Baby didn't fall asleep. I was afraid if she fell asleep she would never wake. We got to the ER and I was never more grateful to be the only patron because I cried loud and told registration what I had done. They quickly took us back to a room where they weighed Munchie, applied EKG stickers, a pulse ox, checked her blood pressure and told me why these medicines where so dangerous. In her little body they could drop her blood pressure to a dangerously low level and cause her heart to get so lazy it forgot to pump. In Gator it is dosed so that it helps his little broken heart not have to work so hard.  We would need to stay at the hospital for 8 hours so that they could carefully observe Munchie until the critical hours passed. All of the things I had planned on accomplishing flew out the window. Along with the extra cash to pay the copay I had earned and was going to use to buy summer clothes and sandals for my fast growing kids. I really didn't care much about any of that now. All I wanted was Munch to be happy and normal, and forgive her mommy. After hearing these instructions I called daddy to give him an update and to have him grab Ry so that she wouldn't be bored to tears waiting with me. The doctor came in and we went over everything again. I thought his first question was "How could this happen?" and I cried harder and said "I don't know" He really asked "How did this happen?" He was patient as he listened to me and understood that I was just doing our normal routine. Daddy came to get Ry and I cried more and felt terrible that I had let him down. We are partners in protecting our children and here I had put our most innocent child in danger. After he left, Munchie fell sleep for her morning nap. I went over and over in my head how I had been so careless, why had I been distracted? I cried more and felt miserable. The nurse came in so I could get some lunch and a Tylenol. I hadn't realized the hours had passed to quickly. I called my Mom and Dad. Their strength and understanding and mostly their love would make this better. Dad told me that he understood and gave me ideas to fix it so it would never happen again. Mom shared empathy as a mom and told me that it would be okay. Both of my parents forgave me without an instant of hesitation. I needed that forgiveness. After hanging up I prayed to our Father in Heaven. I wanted Him to know how sorry I was. That I would never intentionally hurt one of his children. That I wanted him to fill Munchies heart with forgiveness for her mommy. So even though she was little she would know that I really love her. Each time the nurse came in she would say that nothing had changed and that Baby was looking great. I thanked the nurse and my Father in Heaven for watching over her. Baby was a dream; she played with toys, nursed and mostly slept in my arms. A rare day for us alone together. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sail all day. Daddy came for the last hour and I went home for a shower and to clean the house what I could before Munchie was discharged. My dear friends called with understanding and to tell me that they still thought I was a good mom. As I said my prayers last night with Munchie home safe, I finally felt better. I finally felt like when I asked for forgiveness that I could and would be forgiven. Our Father knows each and everyone of us. He knows that we are trying and that we are not perfect. This was definitely an opportunity for me to be humbled. He was there guiding the people who would help my baby be well again. I can honestly say this will NEVER happen again.
  

Little truth

I love twirly skirts!!!!! So I have been making a bunch for Munchie... I only made one for Ry but more to come...

She is super hungry!

Senior Pics

I don't bust out the photog equipment very often any more. There is always so much to do. Plus I feel like I lost my eye. Anyway.... Miss amEricka asked me to shoot her Senior Pics and I happily obliged. I scouted out a really cool location and then when we got there it was a down pour and totally rainy. So we had to make the best of it all.

This amazing vintage dress was Ericka's grandma's. Who wore it at her graduation. Then Ericka's Momma... Debbie Girl, wore it at her graduation. Now, it is Ericka's turn to graduate and is wearing it... I love it!

This is my location. Can you see the clouds rolling in and the wind was blowing... I got my feet stuck in a rut and fell right over on my bootie.

Four year old sass!

Mommy- "Okay Gator, run and get your socks and shoes on. Then come back into the bathroom and I will comb your hair."

Gator- "Okay!"(Runs off.....comes back moments later) "I did it mom!"

Mommy-"Oh great job at being a super fast minder.(inspection of shoes) Dang buddy your shoes are backwards and you need to change them to the other feet."

Gator-"I just like them that way"

Mommy-"yeah, but nobody can see your light sabers, it looks a little weird!"

Gator-"YOU LOOK A LITTLE WEIRD"

Mommy-"just change your shoes to the other feet"

Piggies

Munchies hair fits into piggies. They are the stick straight up, three strands piggies, but they are in and Oh SOOOOOO Cute!

She is also working on the two top teeth. They will break through any day now.

Accident Prone Man

Gator is totally accident prone. He doesn't go a day without injuring himself. For some odd reason most of his big injuries happen to his head/face. I think he should wear a helmet 24/7; but then what kind of life is that? This happened in the shower. He was reaching to shut off the water and slipped. I don't even know the whole story because I was doing Munchies hair and wasn't right by the shower. I heard him scream and rushed in to see his face bleeding and his teeth pushed back. I let him bleed in the shower a few minutes and called Ry to get dressed. I grabbed his towel, some underpants and shorts and we headed out the door with wet hair, no make up, very little clothes, and no shoes on him or Munchies. (I was grateful I had on a bra) we headed to an insta-care. I called daddy who would meet us there. Upon arrival the nurse took one look at our bloody mess and told us they didn't do teeth. We couldn't get into our dentist until 2:00. I guess that meant a trip up to PCMC. If I would have been thinking clearly I could have just taken him over to the Riverton Hospital, but I thought if it needed more care we could see the periodontist right in the hospital. So daddy took Ry for the day and Munchie, Gator and I headed up to the hotel on the hill. We got into a room really fast. I have never seen that ER so quiet. The nurses and doctors were great as always and we found out that Gator's teeth would be fine, he tore the frenulem and he bled so much because of his Aspirin and because mouths have a tendency to do that. He was given an antibiotic to ward off any infections that may have been introduced and we headed home. I was scared we might not make it home because on the way up to the hospital the gas light came on in my car. So we had to stop and fill up. Then my phone ran out of battery so I couldn't call anyone to let them know we were on our way. Funny us... Anyway. We did make it home fine. Gator has almost recovered all the the way. His teeth are slightly dark, his gums look better, and he is almost willing to take a shower again.

So, these pictures are of Gator after our adventures to the hospital. I have a few photo's on my phone while at the hospital I haven't figured out how to upload.

Spring Here

Spring here in our lovely state is fickle. One minute it is hot and lovely and we can go out and enjoy the outdoors. The other minute it is raining, haling or snowing. It can't decide how it should act. We, on the other hand know that on the days that are lovely we go out and enjoy it. So here is munchie (who has spent very little time outside) exploring grass for the first time.

She wasn't sure if it was food or not so she gave it a try. I thought I should be worried, Debbie girl reassured me that grass is just roughage and she would be fine.

Even her little toes-z's liked the grass. Her glitter toes need a pedi.

Yummy yummy grass. Poor thing ended up with a tickle she just couldn't manage and threw it all back up.

Hope Kids Birthday

Munchie gets pushed around in the stroller.
Even though he looks grouchy he is having the time of his life. He didn't want to stop for me to snap a picture. He needed to stop and have a teeny rest. Look at those blue lips.
Best Daddy ever! Probably should have been working, but came to spend time with his family.
Our Roller derby princess.
HopeKids treated us to an amazing event. Every year they have a birthday bash. We get to do all the neat things at Classic and we get to spend time as a family. They also bring out a cake so that each child gets to blow out a candle. There are even gifts for each Hope Kid. This year Alex got a motorcycle race track. It is awesome and he plays with it a ton. Thanks Hope Kids. (again no pictures of me... Well at least I know what I look like)

Womens' Heart Luncheon

This years women's luncheon was amazing. I think they get better every year. I helped organize glitter toes by calling on our favorite hair school, Taylor Andrews. These lovely gals donated their time to come and pamper us. The school and students are always so willing to help out IHH. It may have helped that Cafe' Rio catered the event. Who could pass up a free sweet pork burrito/salads?

I didn't get one picture with me in it of course! (always behind the camera) But here is our friends Arianna's mommy and grandma. Munchie came as my guest. I should have brought my mom or Jeff's. Both have been so supportive and helpful through all of Gator's surgeries and really his whole life.

Another adventure in mommy land

I have to write this little story even though it paints a bad picture of me.....

Yesterday, MONDAY, was .99$ bread at the Bakery. I love the wheat bread there it is squishy like white bread. I usually go about every other week. We grab our bread and then we pick a donut. My favorite is the chocolate chocolate. I am sure it is a zillion calories but I can have one every other week, right? After making our purchase I:
 pick up the baby in her car seat
 Grab our bread and goodies
 Hold the change and my keys
 head to the car.
Ry is in front, Gator is in back... We watch for cars cross the parking lot and I unlock the car for Ry and pop the trunk for the bread. CRASH! Gator goes down, scrapes his knees (we are wearing shorts and tee-shirts on a brisk 61 degree day. We can't help it... we are optimistic dressers) Scrapes his hands and is bleeding. I get the first aid kit out of the trunk and clean and bandage the boy. Crisis over, I slam the trunk shut.... Oh nooooooo, the car is locked, My purse and cell are in the front seat and my keys are???????... Why did Ry lock it. I jumped down her throat. Honey! why did you lock the door we can't go anywhere now? Upon further findings I figured that she never got into the car. After pushing the unlock button the car gives you to the count of 25 before it locks back up. Dang it! I was the one that slammed the trunk with the keys in. After telling my daughter it was actually mommies fault, she stopped crying and was on board with an adventure. I went back into the bakery. Saw a friend who let me use her phone to call daddy. He was busy and couldn't answer. She offered to take us somewhere but with my family of four and her family of five, there just wasn't enough room in her car.... I finally thought we could walk over to Grandma D's work. It wasn't too far. Only about 8 blocks away, we could manage that.(that might be an exaggeration, but it felt like that) I carried the baby in her car seat, and held Gator's hand because he kept falling down each block. One time I went to hold him up from a fall and slammed his head into the car seat. Those short legs are slow movers. We finally made it to grandma's work and tried daddy again. He could rescue us!!!!!

Blessing #1- It was a nice day to walk
Blessing #2- We were able bodied enough to walk
Blessing #3- Gator wasn't on oxygen so all I had to do was lug the car seat
Blessing #4- We had the car seat for the rescue
Blessing #5- Daddy was in a position to rescue us. Bless him!

I wish I didn't have to go out and run errands very soon... I guess I will have to be more vigilant!
Have you done this before. I used to do it all the time. I haven't done it in such a very long time.