We've hit the wall!!!!

I am done, I don't know how to work this anymore... I thought we would be scheduled for surgery the first or second week of January but we aren't going until the *17th...don't wipe off your glasses that is the date I was told.. I tried oh so hard not to hurt any one's feelings as I rambled.. The but but but but.....It wasn't the schedulers fault, she didn't need the melt down... So I hung up the phone and burst into tears and called Jeff.... We both fumed, me more than him... then we decided to be proactive. While he called the cardiologist I talked with the Ped (thanks Dr. Mashkuri) and the social worker (thanks Laura) and Jennylin (thanks).. Bawling the whole way through some of the conversations.... I guess our thing is... We thought they said he couldn't wait any longer, he needs it soon... He needs it while is doing good.. Now there are so many things that can happen....I want to be able to love every minute with him, but those minutes are terrifying if he NEEDS this and I can't help. He will be nine months if we wait until then... This surgery was supposed to be done between 4 and 6 months.... Anyway.. I am expecting many phone calls.. Hopefully we can sort this out... I just hate having Alex be labeled as ANOTHER patient... I am never like this. I usually can see the light at the end... But I don't have anymore patients...grrrrrrrr.....Am I being unfair???????