Forgive this girl!

You few who do keep up with our little family will have to forgive this girl. I am going to "share" some of my feelings now.

Last summer our little family experianced a devestating pregnancy loss. It was hard on all of us. After many months of healing we were back to our old selves and doing very well....

I was content and perfectically happy with my two miracles. I had decided I would no longer be greedy and that our family was just the way it was supposed to be. I was going to work on loosing weight from chlomid, and enjoying every minute with the hubs and kids.

In the end of January I started to feel "sick" and exhausted all the time...

Hummmm?????

I had jumped the gun so many times buying preggers tests that I wasn't about to jinx us.

(I should buy stock in pregnancy test) I held off until my birthday.

When two little pink lines appeared..

Happy Birthday to me!

Waiting even longer to call the Dr.

I made the call only to find out my OB is going to retire in June. Booooo... That is the second one that has done that to me. Plus, he knows my whole history and I love his nurse..

Bugged......

I decided maybe I'd give a closer Dr a shot. I made the call... We set up the phone interview, sent off the DNA/HIV packets and made an appointment for a first visit. The morning of the appointment I shipped off the kids, had daddy in tow and we headed off to the most scary, anxious appointment ever. In all my misscarriages when visiting the Dr for the first time we have never heard the heart beat. Then we know that it is going to be a long road of sadness and healing. Because we have fought inferetility I sometimes think that we shouldn't have to have misscarriages or broken baby hearts. It doesn't seem fair. Then again, Life is not fair and because we have made it through some challenges doesn't mean we are exempt from more. This is where I can feel my Saviors love and support. In the adult session of Stk conf. one of the speakers said to Fear not and just have faith. So that is what I did. And prayed like crazy that I would have strength to accept whatever it is that I am to do.

I said a quicky prayer right before I got out of my car to go into the appointment... We marched up to the desk presented our papers and finished the last bit of questions......

When......

the lady says "okay and how will you be paying for all of this since you are self pay?"

Nice lady with the crazy self pay notion, say what?

"Well yes, you don't have insurance and so this will be self pay"

Ummmmmmm we have insurance and here is the card...

They don't take that type of insurance...

My heart goes to my throat, then my stomache, I think the room started spinning too....

I may or may not have wanted to cry right in front of everyone and pound my fists and demand that they take my insurance today to see if everything was going as it should inside me.....

Well, we gotta see a dr. that takes our insurance...

They said to try next door....

Which just happened to be the next desk over...

Sweet...

They have all my info in the computer, no paperwork at all... no phone interviews and they take that card I am holding... The Dr. can get me in.... THAT MORNING... A female Dr.....

I may or may not have wanted to jump over the desk and hug those two women, and bring them a huge treat for making my day.

The Dr. was wonderful, she is caring and perfect for me. The little snag, she can't get me into see the untrasound people until two hours later....

Back in the car I say another prayer...

Then make calls to shuffle children and try and drink to fill up my bladder.... Children shuffled and water in me i go in to wait for the appointment... The tech is running behind and I have to go potty so bad that I can't sit and I try walking around... Nothing.... Ahhh there is going to a serious situation if she doesn't get to me soon.... I tell the desk that I am so embarrassed but could they see how much longer because I am not going to last....

Another few minutes...

BUT>>> I can go a little to stop the pain.... I must stop..... I gave myself a little pep talk in the restroom...

Okay sista, you can't go all the way, you must have control....

Whew... I made it..

She called me back, She told me right off she couldn't really tell me anything.... Ha... I have seen enough echo's, x-rays, and these types of ultrasounds that I would know.... And know I did. It looked just the right size and shape I could see the umbilical cord and picked it our for her, I could also see the little heart beating away and knew it was there.. I asked her to measure it.... Ahhhh.. It was there, I could hear it.... It was amazing....

I did hug that sweet person. I couldn't help myself.

(after I went potty)

Heavenly Father knows what is best for all of us... I know that he loves my little family and could tell that if we were patient, content and happy with what we had He would bless us. I feel lucky to have this FREE BABY because both Ry and Gator are Chlomid babies. I am also very humbled because I know how hard it can be to build a family. How sad it can be when it isn't in the cards for your family to have another child and it is for someone else, but you want it so badly.

A COMPLETE SURPRISE!!!!!

One I am hoping for all those who are wanting it also...

Due date- 10-10-10