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Life with a boy and his Hypoplastic Left heart Syndrome, now Heart transplant and partial Liver from Aspergillius. Also, a girl and her Tethered Spinal Cord Syndrome, Neuro Endocrine Cell Hypoplasia, Lumbar Hemangioma, asymmetrical gluteal cleft, Pectus Carinatum and two Super Sisters and one yummy baby brother.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Forgive this girl!

You few who do keep up with our little family will have to forgive this girl. I am going to "share" some of my feelings now.


Last summer our little family experianced a devestating pregnancy loss. It was hard on all of us. After many months of healing we were back to our old selves and doing very well....


I was content and perfectically happy with my two miracles. I had decided I would no longer be greedy and that our family was just the way it was supposed to be. I was going to work on loosing weight from chlomid, and enjoying every minute with the hubs and kids.

In the end of January I started to feel "sick" and exhausted all the time...

Hummmm?????

I had jumped the gun so many times buying preggers tests that I wasn't about to jinx us.

(I should buy stock in pregnancy test) I held off until my birthday.

When two little pink lines appeared..

Happy Birthday to me!


Waiting even longer to call the Dr.


I made the call only to find out my OB is going to retire in June. Booooo... That is the second one that has done that to me. Plus, he knows my whole history and I love his nurse..

Bugged......

I decided maybe I'd give a closer Dr a shot. I made the call... We set up the phone interview, sent off the DNA/HIV packets and made an appointment for a first visit. The morning of the appointment I shipped off the kids, had daddy in tow and we headed off to the most scary, anxious appointment ever. In all my misscarriages when visiting the Dr for the first time we have never heard the heart beat. Then we know that it is going to be a long road of sadness and healing. Because we have fought inferetility I sometimes think that we shouldn't have to have misscarriages or broken baby hearts. It doesn't seem fair. Then again, Life is not fair and because we have made it through some challenges doesn't mean we are exempt from more. This is where I can feel my Saviors love and support. In the adult session of Stk conf. one of the speakers said to Fear not and just have faith. So that is what I did. And prayed like crazy that I would have strength to accept whatever it is that I am to do.


I said a quicky prayer right before I got out of my car to go into the appointment... We marched up to the desk presented our papers and finished the last bit of questions......

When......

the lady says "okay and how will you be paying for all of this since you are self pay?"

Nice lady with the crazy self pay notion, say what?

"Well yes, you don't have insurance and so this will be self pay"

Ummmmmmm we have insurance and here is the card...

They don't take that type of insurance...

My heart goes to my throat, then my stomache, I think the room started spinning too....


I may or may not have wanted to cry right in front of everyone and pound my fists and demand that they take my insurance today to see if everything was going as it should inside me.....


Well, we gotta see a dr. that takes our insurance...

They said to try next door....

Which just happened to be the next desk over...

Sweet...

They have all my info in the computer, no paperwork at all... no phone interviews and they take that card I am holding... The Dr. can get me in.... THAT MORNING... A female Dr.....

I may or may not have wanted to jump over the desk and hug those two women, and bring them a huge treat for making my day.

The Dr. was wonderful, she is caring and perfect for me. The little snag, she can't get me into see the untrasound people until two hours later....

Back in the car I say another prayer...

Then make calls to shuffle children and try and drink to fill up my bladder.... Children shuffled and water in me i go in to wait for the appointment... The tech is running behind and I have to go potty so bad that I can't sit and I try walking around... Nothing.... Ahhh there is going to a serious situation if she doesn't get to me soon.... I tell the desk that I am so embarrassed but could they see how much longer because I am not going to last....

Another few minutes...

BUT>>> I can go a little to stop the pain.... I must stop..... I gave myself a little pep talk in the restroom...

Okay sista, you can't go all the way, you must have control....

Whew... I made it..

She called me back, She told me right off she couldn't really tell me anything.... Ha... I have seen enough echo's, x-rays, and these types of ultrasounds that I would know.... And know I did. It looked just the right size and shape I could see the umbilical cord and picked it our for her, I could also see the little heart beating away and knew it was there.. I asked her to measure it.... Ahhhh.. It was there, I could hear it.... It was amazing....

I did hug that sweet person. I couldn't help myself.

(after I went potty)


Heavenly Father knows what is best for all of us... I know that he loves my little family and could tell that if we were patient, content and happy with what we had He would bless us. I feel lucky to have this FREE BABY because both Ry and Gator are Chlomid babies. I am also very humbled because I know how hard it can be to build a family. How sad it can be when it isn't in the cards for your family to have another child and it is for someone else, but you want it so badly.


A COMPLETE SURPRISE!!!!!

One I am hoping for all those who are wanting it also...
Due date- 10-10-10

28 comments:

Mom of twins ♥ said...

That is so exciting! My Mom shared the news with me today at Dance, she said that you and Ry had told her the great news! I know how hard it is to have kids as well, we tried for almost 3 years before we got pregnant and my twins are fertility babies too. Good luck with everything and hope all continues to go well.

likeschocolate said...

Congratulations! That is so exciting! We will be keeping you in our prayers. p.s. Why are you apologizing. I am so excited for you guys. I hope the next time I visit I get to see this delicious baby with yummy cheeks like the other two.

Emily@Little Forever Family said...

Shriekkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!Whoopie!!!!! These surprises sure keep us hopping, huh??? And might I point our my birthday is 10/11? How much better can you get???? I am so excited for you!!!

jenny said...

OH, I got chills reading that! I am so excited for you guys! You are the best parents, that baby is very lucky to have you guys! COngrats!

Aimee Hardy said...

That is fantastic news! Congratulations!!!!

Christina said...

Wow! I am thrilled for you guys. Love the "free baby" reference :). Congratulations.

Love, Christina

k t said...

c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s

Lacey said...

Congrats sweet friend! I'm so excited for you, nothing better than a free baby when you've tried so hard, God works in mysterious ways. 10-10-10 its fate!

Mindurs said...

Brynn,

I am so happy for you. Thank you so much for putting your pain and your faith out there for me to read. This is what I need right now. I am going to be more like you and be content with the two beautiful miracles I have already received. I love you!

Mindy

Becca said...

Congrats!!! We too had a pregnancy loss, our stillborn girl Eve right before our special heart baby was born. So it's hard not to be fearful. If you ever need to talk, we are hear for you. I am so excited for you!!!

Becca-Ellie's mom

Andrea said...

Brynn and Jeff-

YAY! I'm so excited for you both. What a wonderful blessing and surprise. The Lord knows us so well and loves us more than we can imagine! Please let me know if you need any help with kids or anything. YAY!!

Andrea

Kyle and Alli said...

Whoo Hoo!!!!! What wonderful news! :) I am delighted for your special surprise...and what a due date!! I sure hope your little one decides to come on that day!

Lance and Raegan said...

You are so amazing....see why I idolize you!! If I could have a tenth of the faith and positivity that you do I would have it made in life! I couldn't be happier for you and your fam.....I am so glad that another lucky baby gets to have you as a mom. Thanks for helping me remember how lucky we are to get pregnant and have kids. Let me know if you need anything. By the way, who is the new Doc?

The Simmons Family said...

CONGRATS!! I am VERY excited for you and I will be praying for a HEALTHY baby and smooth pregnancy!

Molly said...

Yay! You guys deserve it! It's now official, everyone I know, of child baring age, is pregnant. I think someone might be trying to send me a message about that. Hmmm.

J.B. said...

My heart just got all swolled up with happiness. I am so glad for you. So glad.

Melissa said...

I'm glad the cat is finally out of the bag and lookin' good. I'm sure this one will be far from "free" but hopefully less stress than the last one! Good luck girl!

Kara and Cody Markham said...

You made me cry... Im so happy for you and your family! I hope everything goes well.

MEL said...

Brynn & Jeff~
CONGRATULATIONS!!! We hope all continues to go well for you!

Kingsford Family said...

Yea! Crying tears of joy...so happy for your family! You are such an inspiration! Hope thing are smooth sailing with this one...you deserve it.
Love Ya!
Michele

Mike and Rebecca said...

I was thinking of you when I got the retirement letter from Larkin. I am so excited for you! Becky

Jamie said...

SOOO excited for you Brynn!! You and Jen are only a month apart! Good luck to you!!!

Quinney Family said...

woo hoo...happy dance :)

The Button's said...

Congratulations Brynnie! I know all too well the anxiety that you went through cause I did the EXACT same thing when I went in for my first appointment since my last pregnancy was a miscarriage. I KNEW I had to say a prayer and it totally helped calm me down and know that He he does have a plan for us. It was such a HUGE relief to see the ever so tiny flutter of a heart beat and that you can see everything is normal sized! I could even see the profile :)

YAY! We will have babies only a few months apart! My due date is August 21st!

You are such an inspiration and I love you tons!

Pink

Cynthia said...

I am so very happy for you guys. I hope you have an EASY, uneventful pregnancy and a big, fat healthy baby!

Sidenote- I don't think it's any coincidence that you had to be in a certain place emotionally before the blessing came. To surrender our own wants and desires to His will is so hard, especially when we know our desire is a righteous one! I'm stubborn. I want my own way and I'll work harder than hard to bring about the ends I want. And I'm tenacious. And none of that got us our baby.

I had to reach that same place you did mentally. To accept that no matter what I sacrificed (and I had given up EVERYTHING- our new home, living near family, my job etc.) and still it wasn't enough for Him. He wanted me to submit to his will. Once I did that, the next treatment worked and 6 1/2 months later we welcomed the twins- early but OURS!

I'm so proud of you for reaching that point and so thankful that your sacrifice has been accepted and rewarded. There are many ways to build a family. I'm glad you will get to add one more to yours!

Natalie said...

YAy, yaY, and more yAy!! COnGRats!!
Love ya! Hope to see you at the bash!!

Heather said...

Congratulations! So happy!

Andrea, the little collector said...

Oh Brynn! Congratulations!!! This is such exciting news. :) Hooray for you and your growing(!) family.